Q+A with Desirée 🗞️
A Weekly Column of Musings, Tips, Advice and maybe even a little magic...
The last few weeks of summer are always a whirlwind. However this summer has felt especially fast and cyclonic in nature. And I know with the intensity of retrograde season, many of you are also feeling the winds swirling and maybe even the Universe pushing you off of 1 or 2 or 3 of 8 proverbial cliffs.
But you know what they say: when the student is ready, the teacher appears.
It’s very Piscean and Patriarchal to think the teacher will only show up as another person. It’s Aquarian and Matriarchal to understand the teacher is an initiation.
“Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap…”
Today’s question is one I have been meaning to answer for a few weeks now. I have so much I want to say on it that it was almost daunting to answer for 1. I have been here many times before and 2. I was also here quite recently, feeling confused and lost and unsure what direction to go. I had to go through the initiations and leap into the next level and I will admit the free fall lasted longer than I had hoped. And then, as it usually does, the Universe gave me wings to fly. But so often we don’t take the leap. We feel confused. Afraid. Lost.
So, let’s dive in:
Whenever I feel lost I have learned to acknowledge three things:
It usually means I am outgrowing something and it is time to redefine who I am and what I want
It means I need to slow down and stop seeking the answers from everyone around me.
I need to get grounded in routine. It’s actually through structure and consistency that I can create space to hear myself. With consistency, we create self-reliability and safety that allows our fight or flight to turn off and our creativity/problem solving abilities to turn on.
So whenever I feel lost, the first thing I know I need to do is slow down instead of speed up. Feeling lost is often a sign that we are living in too much in our head and need to come back into our body. I will make time to create space to take a walk, journal, or breathe deeply—anything that drops me into the present and away from distractions (aka get off the phone). Sometimes those moments can feel scary because maybe it’s confronting. Maybe it means we cry. But the only way out is through.
The next part is important: I remind myself that being lost doesn’t mean I’m failing, it means I’m in the space between who I was and who I’m becoming. And while it may feel overwhelming in the moment, just remember that it’s not wrong—it’s essential.
So instead of forcing clarity, I focus on what I can do today to slow down and listen to myself. Clarity always comes, but it comes faster when we stop chasing it. The reason I created our daily morning meditations over in BENSHEN is because I personally have used that time and space for years to get back to myself, to drop in, to create routine and consistency to learn how to listen to myself.
Something else that has always grounded me in moments where I feel lost is remembering something I once heard in a podcast episode that I can’t find with motivational speaker Eric Thomas who was asked a similar question of what to do when you lose the faith. His response has stuck with me to this day: the same thing you do when you lost your keys. Go back to the last place you had them.
Do the same with your life. Ask yourself:
When was the last time I felt good, grounded, and inspired?
What were you doing?
What routines, habits, or environments were you in?
Go back there. Revisit those practices.
It’s not about forcing yourself to figure everything out — it’s about returning to the energy and actions that helped you feel most like yourself.
This month in BENSHEN (still time to jump in), our theme is BECOMING CRYSTAL CLEAR. However, it’s rooted in knowing that to become clear, we must go within.
Love YOU! xx