Time To Bloom

Looking at Time with Time Looking Back at Us

How funny it feels to put pen to paper.

On fingers to keyboard. I remember the days in college when I longed for the weekly classes on creative writing or literature when I was studying Advertising and Marketing at FIT in the heart of New York City.

The blinking cursor on a blank page. I’m reminded how soothing it is for me and for you to understand why - for I know that for many staring at a blank page can create anxiety - I have to go back in time.

Many of you know me. Many of you don’t. So allow me to introduce and reintroduce myself.

My name is Desirée Sara Pais.

I grew up in Baltimore, Maryland and while that will be a whole story for a different day, I dreamed of being a writer when I grew up. English classes in school were my favorite, the only ones I truly excelled in. I fell in love with reading from an early age when I would ask my mother as young as four years old to read aloud whatever she was reading at the moment (I remember a lot of them being mystery and romance novels, just up my alley).

For those who do not know, I am 50% deaf in both ears, a genetic disability which has actually been my greatest gift. It has made me more able. I believe that when one sense is less, another builds. And for me it’s always been writing, deeper listening, reading between the lines. I dreamed of moving to New York City to become a writer, studying literature at University and then going on to doing whatever it is that writers do. Writing seemed to be a gift given to me. It was something that was easy to do and I enjoyed doing it and I did it well. Even when I doubted anything and everything else, in my heart of hearts, at the very least, I knew I could write.

My parents have always supported my dreams but for this one they asked me a question I did not know how to answer: “What will you do with a literature degree?”

Quite frankly, I had no idea. I simply loved the idea of being immersed in books, pen in hand, ready to underline every line that stood out and pulled my heart strings. Eventually we all settled on me going to the Fashion Institute of Technology, for fashion was another love of mine, and I could study Advertising and Marketing which also had Journalism and Writing Classes within in the curriculum. And it was thousands of dollars cheaper, which made a lot of sense as I had no idea what was on the other side of the degree.

So at 17 I went off to New York City to become a writer.

At 19, I had my first article published in BlackBook Magazine.

At 20, I was an intern writing for Refinery29 when there was roughly only 6 people working for the company.

By 21, I gave up on my dream of writing.

I’m 35 now. A lot has happened in those 14 years and I am sure that you and I will have plenty of time to go over that considering I plan to write to you weekly.

So if you will allow me, I will fast forward to today. This year, the now. Which in just a moment will be the past, but for now, here I am, just me, you and the blinking cursor. For the last 6 years I have been encouraging and cheering on hundreds of women, if not thousands by now, to follow their dreams. And somewhere along the lines, my dreams started to change. It was awkward and uncomfortable for I was on already there, I was running a business with a clear path forward. And suddenly the path started change and morph with what seemed to be without my consent.

The irony is that it seemed that road was now taking me back to someplace familiar. To an old dream. To my gift.

“I guess you could say art is my religion and to use my Gift is my Gift back to the creator. So that’s the first mission to use my gifts.” - Erykah Badu

I’ve been putting off writing this first Substack for weeks now, mostly because I knew the moment I would start I would be, as Seth Godin says, on the hook. It meant that I would enter an agreement with myself and my gift that I would show up. I would look for things to write about. I would learn again to listen to the words that wanted to come through.

Lately I have been thinking about Doechii and her incredible achievement of winning the Best Rap Album of the Year at this year’s Grammy’s, a category that was introduced 1989 where only 3 women have ever won the award: Lauryn Hill, Cardi B, and Doechii. Her acceptance speech was one that will absolutely move you to tears, a testimony to the power of commitment, dedication and decision to go after your dreams. After her win, an old video surfaced of Doechii titled “i got fired thank God” on 1/12/20 and goes on to share how she got fired and said “tomorrow I’m just going to go to a whole bunch of studios and ask if they have any internships open and also just like ask questions … who gives a fuck I have nothing to lose I literally have nothing to lose I have no place, no job, no children … who gives a fuck, who cares (she smiles). I’m just going to do it, I’ll let you know how that goes.”

2/2/25

Image: Doechii

I am in awe and endlessly inspired by her gifts and her dedication and how much she achieved in a short period of time. The lyrics to her song, BLOOM, inspired this very post:

“God made a day 24hrs (yeah)

it’s not a lot of time (mm-hmm)

Because you, you just can’t do it all in one moment (mm-hmm)

There’s a past, present, and future

You gotta put pieces in places.

It’s 24 hours.”

It reminds of me of a passage from one of my favorite (and unsuspectingly magical) books, How To Be Rich, a compilation of essays from the New Thought Leaders from the early 1900’s:

So, the question I have been asking myself lately is if every magic morning our purse of time is filled, how will I spend that time? Will it be doing the things that I love? Will it be moving into the future? Will it be collecting memories from the past?

“In the realm of time, no one is richer than you.”

It’s time to bloom.